we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
