We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
