he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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