dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
