oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
