Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
