it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
