i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
