Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
pray to the hookup gods
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
