So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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