He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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