Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
