At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
