i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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