i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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