We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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