need another drink. this is the easiest way
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
