Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
