sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
