I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
