In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
