Cold hands, warm shart.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
