i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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