The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
