there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
