Swine flu. Run for my life!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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