I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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