i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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