I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
