so explain again why im purple
no
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I want is dick and wine.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
