My friends, they love my intelligence
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
