Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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