this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
