i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
