I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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