I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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