I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
