I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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