new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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