Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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