we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
