yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
