Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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