They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
