I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
