All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
