It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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