i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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