I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this will be a night to untag.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
