just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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