a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
