if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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