he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
