why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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