She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize