I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
