I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize