even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
