She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
this boner is exhausting
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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