just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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