last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
