is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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