oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
