I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
