woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
