You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
