the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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