So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
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My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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