I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Send help, water and tortillas.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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