walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
