My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
