Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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