the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
