Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
