my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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