I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
