haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
